my friend bb just wrote about coming to an end of a (very long) chapter in her life, and looking forward to wrapping up her 2 year stint in TO and coming home to good 'ol vancity. she mentions how her life here in vancouver has been on hold, and that everything has remained the same, waiting for her to come back.
that reminds me of the things that have been on my mind this past weekend. i have, in recent years, come to hone the skills and settle somewhat comfortably in the mindset of hanging in the air, or dancing in limbo, just general activities off solid ground. it worked very well for me for some time--there was always another city to move to, another trip to organize, another flight to catch. this lack of permanence and stability has been a convenient trait of my lifestyle (i have lately compared shopping habits with friends in van--where as they buy household decorations and appliances, i buy things i can easily pack into a suitcase or throw/give away).
it's starting to change perhaps because of my age or the city. in my unconventional heart i do feel a budding desire for something more concrete now, not necessarily in tangible form, but a sense of belonging to a place or a society, a system. i used to think the way to live was outside these limitations, that i am flexible enough to trespass freely--this means i used to have little regard for building bank credibility, owning a driver's license, having a permanent address, et cetera. the same reflected in my choice of career. fashion in a nutshell is change, in color, fabric, cut, pattern. nothing gets repeated or recycled for at least 10 years, and by the time people on the street sport a trend, you're already thinking the next IT look. while i still appreciate my freedom and respond favorably to change, i do begin to long for things that hold me down a little.
as all other major revelations in life, this one came to me in the shower. i realized it's finally time to do what i've been putting off in the past month because i wasn't sure about staying. these are: getting my driver's license, opening a bank account, getting a haircut, and most excitingly, taking those writing classes i've been eyeing since last september. i'm still unsure about staying in the long run, but i've decided to take it one step at a time and do what needs to be done at the moment. maybe things seem transient because i allow them to, and making a commitment isn't as scary as i thought. it's kind of a novel feeling, and i welcome and enjoy it as i do all things novel.
that hasn't changed.
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"but people would consider me ungrateful if i complain too much."
there's so much self-understanding and restraint in this sentence, i love it. you know how i secretly cringe with contempt when you complain but must put on a show of sympathetic understanding, haahaa. life is good, ah-c, life is good.
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