random thoughts before dinner

it used to come to me so easily, like a built-in mechanism, such as breathing. i was convinced that it'd lead me to great, wonderful things, and it did. but gradually with time i got scared, as people tend to do, of the unknown, the unpredictable. some say it's age and i agree. but i'm learning to do this again, taking away pride, assumptions, and sometimes logic. there's a lot of vulnerability involved in this process. it means the mask comes off, exposed, laid out in the open and stripped to the core. except only i get to see it. being honest with myself seems to be harder than i imagined. i don't always see the pretty side--it's foreign and familiar simultaneously. but i'm starting to embrace it all, every little thing about me, some fabulous, some not so much. alright, most are fabulous, rest are not. it's an inconvenient hurdle to jump over, but once it's done and you land on your feet again, it actually feels pretty good.