i like how the emotions strike after things happen. how you only start to feel angry when your friends point out the obvious, and say "i can't believe you're not angry." then you start to get furious and swear with a kind of fierceness you probably never knew you had. but before that happens, you look for excuses and defend and make their actions seem justifiable, only to make self seem like a sad little wife taking in everything thrown in her way. even the strongest of us do this, that's the most ironic part of it all. and i like it because it goes to show how we're blind and vulnerable, particularly how stupid and how it makes people want to slap us hard across the face out of this nonsense, when we're being over-giving and over-understanding to people who have done nothing to deserve it. i like the quality of this weakness. it's so very human.

you ask what this is about? i don't know what this is about. i'm just angry.