today i woke up feeling dizzy and drained, also officially like a banished outcast. it's a joyful day, a celebration of matrimony, a gathering of family and friends. and i'm none of those things anymore. not even a miniscule teeny tiny friend. this notion came to me like a huge slap in the face, like, "wake up and get a grip of yourself. they just don't like you anymore." perhaps some sort of total rejection is being practiced. out of sight, out of mind, let's never mention this person again and go on with our happy lives, case closed, have some champagne.

has that ever happened to you? let me tell you, it really quite frankly sucks. i want to tear up the beautiful green dress into shreds kind of sucks.

i feel like crying but i can't. i'm going out for lunch.

well, have a great wedding anyway, despite all my bitterness and hurt. i do wish it, truly. eat, drink, dance and be married.