Am I really too self-centered? It is really always about me? How did this happen? Background, family, education, or simply personality? What is esteemed as individualism is now frowned upon, and what is praised as independence is belittled. I'm confused. Where am I and where should I go? Should I change? If I change, who would I be? Would I be happy? Would I still be me?

I believe in compromises as long as they're the results of willed communication. Dad points out that maybe my preconceived notions and assumptions, plus a "fierce and fiesty" (according to Leo my highschool mate) disposition prevented any form of exchange or compromise, a statement I cannot 100% refute. Perhaps I was too subjective and neglected to seek agreement sometimes. But thinking back on the issue of compatibility, why was it that the other person found it hard to take an opposite stand? Was it really that difficult to talk to me? I know a handful of dragon ladies and there's no way I can possibly compare...So what went wrong?

Dad also says it's pointless now to think about what went wrong, or who did what. He says sometimes it's just not meant to be. I still find this a bit hard to accept, that we spent six years to find out we were wrong for each other. That is just negative and pessimistic. I believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe in making an effort to work things out, if you really want this. Where do you go to find that one person you're 100% compatible with, no work and stress involved whatsoever??? (Annie says there are 20,000 such people in the world for every person; Hen8 adds that it's an average so there might be 39999 for some lucky ass person, like Angelina Jolie, and just 1 for some sad poor dude. Or me). Yes, perhaps I was spoiled and led into thinking that we'd be together forever and therefore took things for granted. I suppose that's why fate has dealt me this Wheel of Fortune, so I can learn from this "gift or curse" to understand the "underlying structure." So I've started to see it. But sometimes it's just too late, isn't it?

At the start of this new year I'm forced to really look within to admit the faults I've committed; after all we do most of the times learn through trial and error. It's more important at the end of the day that we walk away with a deeper understanding of self and a lesson so that next time, we'll have our cakes and eat them too.

Is it just me or is this turning into a PG-13 version of Carrie's Sex and the City?