S had her Level 1 tarot class just before I quit Elle in June. I had my cards read before I left, a quick glimpse into my new beginning in a new country, a new life. When I asked about moving to Thailand, I got this--Wheel of Fortune. I didn't need S to tell me what this meant. Literally, my wheel of fortune was turning, a brand new life was to begin, things would no longer be the same. Well, of course.

I left the company to prepare for the changes and challenges awaiting me. I was excited--after all this move signified the entry into a new stage in my life, although it was never quite discussed. But gradually I grew anxious and uncertain. Was I ready for this? Were there things not yet taken care of? What was I doing?

Then two months later, things turned upside down and my new life closed its doors on me. The move was indefinitely postponed. Everything I had believed in threatened to collapse. My heart almost broke, and my spirit began to die. I was left alone.

And today I was reminded of this card, at the turning of this strange, almost seemingly empty year. It all makes perfect sense now. I've learned that the Wheel of Fortune signifies also the insertion of a random force, a start of something new, or a need to understand the underlying structures. It may carry a warning that the Querant needs to accept the gift or the curse that's coming and learn from it. And this is exactly what I've been forced to do in the past 3 months, to really see and understand what I had been afraid to see and understand, and learn to embrace the occasional wild card that life deals you.

So suddenly I realize this year has not been empty after all (although indeed strange). What seems to be the end of a job or the end of a relationship has given me plenty to think about and reflect on. The uncertainties of my future in work, love and just life in general made me sit down, look at myself in the mirror and ask some very critical questions. Finding the answers to them has been a somewhat gruesome yet eye-opening experience. I suppose this is what makes life so intriguing, if you could afford to think of it in that context.

Let this reversal of fortune carry me into the new year. I think I'm ready for almost just about anything.