En left a message on my MSN telling me that it's ok to be mean and angry and emo (my cousin Jennifer has been using this term nonstop for the last 3 days and no one has been able to explain it to me other than "it doesn't really mean emotional.."), and that it's part of the process. And that Oprah is not boring. And being sunny and happy doesn't suck. I suppose he's right. If such comforting and positive comments came from a recent college graduate who has displayed much bitterness and cynicism in his daily conversation, you realize that people are worried about you to the point they've started to say things they normally do not believe in, or at least are contrary to the image they've worked hard to establish. Thanks brother.

The clock reads 11:11!! A sign from the angels!!

I'm starting to heal and be strong again, everyone. Someone told me that this blog makes me sound like a schizophrenic sometimes, and I will not hide that fact that in moments of weakness I've felt suicidal. It hasn't been easy. Yet I hold no grudges; this is what happens when you love someone so much. Despite angry, fuming thoughts, I'm glad I've tried to be positive and faithful, and would not have done it any other way. At the end of the day it's important that you have no regrets. I've done things wrong in the past, but I've also learned. Right now, though, I'm just tired.

So thank you, my loved ones, for sticking by my side. What some of you have done make me want to cry sometimes. It's an overwhelming feeling to know that even though the one I love has gone missing, I'm still the one that you love.