life as a bum day 2....

i'm just kidding. i'm not going to chronicle every single day of my life as a bum. i don't think people will want to read about it, at least not before i figure out a way to creatively spend my time. however i did go back to yoga class (bend it like pretzel) and watch adam sandler in "reign over me" tonight with ma and dad. mommy teared up when sandler talked about his dead family and wanted to get an electric scooter, dad said no because she can't even ride a bike. i want someone to have a cocker spaniel and prime ribs with. cocker spaniel as pet.

anyway, after fun family yoga + dvd time, i finally started thinking about the inevitable, the "unbearable heaviness of leaving". in particular, leaving family. for many of my friends, and myself sometimes, it is no longer a subject for discussion as coming and going have become such a regular part of our lives, and we see departure from home as a given; it is not something we stress over too much anymore. yesterday as i was advising a friend, i said something along the lines of "you can always come back, family will always be there." but today as i booked my ticket and informed my grandmother, who immediately became sentimental and tearful, i realized it's easier said than done. i'm such a sucker for this, i always have been. and as much as i know we're not going to re-enact the dramatic farewell taken place at the airport when we moved to vancouver 15 years ago, nor does my upcoming trip seem so set-in-stone in its duration, it's dawning upon me and everyone in this house that my future is taking off in a direction that is quite unforeseeable, and it's natural for anyone to assess the possibility that i might never truly "come home" anymore.

i will stop now as the mention of "home" as a concept always invites further discussion for "kids like us." but as the all-too-trite saying goes, as long as i don't have someone to have that cocker spaniel and prime ribs with, this will always be my home, indeed "where the heart is."


p.s. and this is my 199th published entry, hitting the big 200 next!