superstitious much?

leslie sent us an email the other day with a link to a fortune telling website, and she wrote, "for my highly educated and extremely well traveled and read yet superstitious friends and family." i'd just come home from my writing class in which a classmate of indian origin had read us her essay on being a scientist AND a firm follower of indian and western superstitions, and discussed the internal conflicts she constantly goes through in practicing both disciplines. and coincidentally, i'd visited a family friend who, with masterful and published knowledge of the i-ching, had been my mother's consultant for years and finally was able to give me his 2 dollars (as opposed to 2 cents, which is disrespectful) in person.

amidst my other more complex identity crisis issues, i also struggle with this question of superstition from time to time, although to much lesser degrees. most of my friends in the west are quite level-headed with their lives (or so they seem), which on average proceed with stability and predictability that make it easy to stay grounded and take matters into their own hands. superstitions do not go behind a quick peek at the weekly horoscope, or occasional reference to friday the 13th, picking up a penny, or breaking a wishbone. there's the eternal debate on whether things in life are pre-destined--the whole question of fate--but in this very scientific and i venture to use the word "educated" society of ours, we choose to believe that life is what you make of it.

on the other hand, my asian upbringing and the years i've spent in asia as an adult have opened up a whole new perspective for me. fortune telling is a full-blown semi-unionized industry and has largely replaced the psychiatric professionals as source of consultation and tools for maintaining emotional security. they can be found in street corners, in the underpass, hidden away in residential buildings, or congregate in the night market in organized and decorated stalls offering a wide array of services from basic fortune telling to name changing to rearranging your furniture according to proper fengshui practices. they are on tv channels, own personal websites (plus shopping function for blessed charms), speak as consultants on political commentary shows to predict which of the two presidential candidates has a better chance based on their birth charts.

given the rampancy of the phenomenon it is not shocking that many of my western-educated friends in asia have gradually opened up to fortune telling more as a source of comforting advice rather than baseless heresy, and some have incorporated it into their decision-making process. at first i thought this would be dangerous and a show of complete lack of self-will. however after my first voluntary visit to the master, i began to wonder whether everything indeed had been written and we as insignificant minute little people in this vast adventure called life are simply following a set course, destined to laugh, cry, succeed, fail, shock and be shocked.

my logical half tells me no, but the romantic imaginative half says that it might the case and, frankly, that would be ok too. after being introduced to tarot cards, i've come to realize that each decision is a conscious one (chemical influences notwithstanding. however the decision to be under such influence is also conscious, but i've strayed), and that these conscious decisions together make up our lives. even if a fortune teller or a superstition had been employed in the decision-making process. the most important thing at the end of the day is that we as individuals know what the hell it is that we're doing, and be responsible for the consequences of those decisions.

that said, i do still fight constantly with what i hear from my "advisers" and sometimes wish i'd never heard them, ie. when i'm supposed to meet a guy, when i'm supposed to get married, what industry would make up for what i lack in my birth elements. what i've learned to do is write them down and then forget about them completely. there were times when something happened and i would remember that it'd been predicted, then exclaim with awe at the accuracy of my fate predictor. it's kind of fun when that happens. but mostly i approach this with willed nonchalance, and tell myself it's for reference only. a sane, educated, logical, open-minded superstitious person.

although am really secretly hoping the guy's going to show up when he's supposed to.