sometimes i feel like running away from everything. maybe i am running away from everything. it's not a very brave thing to do. but right now being here, in familiar company and surroundings, i feel safe and comforted. am i running away, am i giving up? am i for this life, or that? i need more time. and i feel discouraged that i'm still trying to figure things out after all this time. why does it take so long? why is this taking me so long?!

but everyday i find out a little bit more. the best thing i've realized in the past few days is that there are a lot of things i can do without, now. i begin to appreciate the simpler things, the simpler feelings, the quietness and silence, and having-nothing-to-do-ness. it's ok to just sit here in this room and feel completely at home. i never get that on the other end of the world. S asks me whether i feel more rooted here, i suppose the answer is yes. and that's quite surprising even to myself.

so everyone please please bear with me a little bit, for a little longer. i'm a de-confusing girl at the moment. i think i'm on the verge of a discovery =)

p.s. and you who attacked me for "wasting" my time and talent can take your expensive life-purpose course speech and s(*&$!*())S.