so lately...

things have been good. i've attended a wedding, gotten some serious R&R, come home to a loving man and a much improved relationship, a website to make over with lots of freedom to maneuver, and have been feeling better than i have in a very, very long time.

so much of this has been about love, loving, and being loved. i'm not sure whether, given the same situation 3 years ago, i would have done the same thing. some of it was because i've matured, some of it was because i was pushed. but overall, and most of the time, there was only the voice and the drive from inside. instinctively i knew i had to, no matter how exhausting or at times, how bizarre. it was either "go forward" or "give up," and i wasn't ready to give up.

in retrospect, i think it was the right thing to do, like if you stick it out, things would eventually get better once you get out of the gutter. i guess this is faith, believing that it's there even though it's so dark and you can't see the light. it's a powerful thing, and for the first time in my life i've lived it. wasn't easy, but it feels so good to actually know what it means to "keep faith."

i like it a lawt.