It makes me depressed and disappointed that this blog is so sad, full of sadness. I really want it to be happier, more sunshine-y, more like the old me. But I don't know how. I still wake up in the middle of the night with a numb heart. My head buzzes. I lie in bed curled up like a ball, hoping this will all go away. And soon.

It makes me scared, too, that this is changing me. It's changing the way I see another person, how it's making me go from love to fear to hate (yes sometimes I hate) and sometimes back to love again. But mostly fear. I fear for the fragility of the human mind. I fear change, whereas once upon a time I welcomed it. I fear for the vulnerable nature of love, how you see it crumble in an instant but secretly hope it will tough it out with you. I fear for the moment when I might realize it's crumbled.

But as you say, things have a way of working themselves out. And there is always something to be learned. I suppose pain makes you grow disproportionally; you feel so much older and wiser overnight. And however it turns out at the end, I know I'll be ok. It's just this time, this "inbetween" time that we call it, it really simply just SUCKS.

So yes, I'm watching the sunrise again. Birds sing. Chirp chirp.